TO A CORNISH PASTY

(On seeing how something nice can be over exploited for tourists)

Oh! you impudent lard laden beastie,
Ye stodgy all- in- one feastie,
Thou brazen parcel devoid of all meatie,
All tattie and swede.
How dare ye represent pies all o'er the place
And inspire such greed.

Ye giant, crusty lunch and dinner,
Dessert and main course for saint and sunner
From Bodmin to Lands End you are the winner
All in yer face!
How many devoured in St Ives in one day?
Nae wonder there's no space.

Ha! thou who wouldst exploit this creation
Think of those from the rest of the nation,
Who used to buy it at the station,
Now can't face one.
We'll gae somewhere else and seek our dinner
Now the tourists are gone.

With apologies to Robert Burns

Bum in the Butter

It's a real bummer when a pound of rancid butter costs K1800 (US$12 or 7 pounds 50 pence).

I can understand why it is so expensive. It is because duty on Dairy products is so high to discourage people from buying it so that they will buy domestic produce instead. Why buy Clover, Kerrigold or Lurpak when you can buy the home-made variety? Trouble is, there isn't an alternative. Dairibord doesn't produce butter, neither does Suncrest Creameries. I cant find any Farm butter. The Dairy industry were whingeing that it was cheaper to buy imported milk, making their production costs high. So now, we can buy Dairibord milk cheaper but has this improved their product? It is still sour and watery, sometimes lumpy and reconstituted. The yoghurt is too tart, the cheese rubbery and tasteless. With all these market advantages, surely Dairibord can now be competitive and produce reasonably priced butter that isn't rancid and other dairy products that are edible?

Maybe the demand isn't there. Maybe its only those with their bum in the butter who are getting cheesed off. I shall just have to make my own........